PREGNANCY SHAMING IS NOT OK!!

Hello again!

Firstly, I wanted to say thank you to everyone who read my ‘Antenatal Depression’ post. I’m pleasantly surprised by the feedback and happy that people found it a helpful read!

Whenever I look on social media (Instagram, Facebook, blogs etc), 90% of the time (I made up the statistic but you get what I mean) pregnancy is portrayed to be an amazing journey. Don’t get me wrong, it most definitely is. There are enough women out there to show you the beautiful moments and the happiness that bringing new life into the world brings. From having your first scan to going baby shopping to feeling him/her kick for the first time. Believe me, it’s all a surreal and indescribable experience. So with that being said, I wanted to share some of the less brighter (shall we say?) experiences I’ve had. I know there will be people out there reading my blog thinking “Is this girl even happy she’s having a baby? Her blogposts are such a.. downer.” But truthfully, everyone knows how beautiful a pregnancy is – so I thought “A bit of realism never hurt anyone?”, hence the blog post!

There were a lot of things that I had experienced that made me unhappy throughout the first and the second half of the second trimester. Especially being young and at uni, there were a lot of “Can I even do this?” moments. Obviously now, I’ll happily show off my bump to the world and tell everyone how excited I am for the labour. But back then? I would want to curl up into a ball and never unravel myself. Throughout the months, I grew up and matured. I realised the irrelevancy in a lot of the things that contributed to how insecure I felt. And that my friend – is a beautiful feeling.

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My “Let me hear one more pregnancy shaming comment” face

IS PREGNANCY EVEN NATURAL!?

  1. PEOPLE WILL STARE – Weren’t people taught as a child, that staring is rude? I’ve noticed that regardless of how young or old women look, if you have a bump; you’re gonna get a few cheeky stares or elongated gazes. For me, I know I look like a little 10 year old. I’m about 5ft1 with a bump. Lucky me,  I get the elongated gazes and sometimes that look of horror. One must wonder: Is pregnancy even natural? People would constantly stare as if they themselves never came out of the womb.  For a long time, it used to make me feel very awkward and I didn’t want to leave the house. I’d dread getting on trains because I could feel the burning stares. Especially with all the other negative emotions I had circulating, it made me feel 10x worse. I remember telling some of my closest friends and boyfriend how much it bothered me and they used to say “Why do you even care? You shouldn’t even care. You’re never going to see these people again.” And although they were right, it was hard for them to understand because they weren’t going through it. Obviously over time, I realised how right they were. Pregnancy is a natural thing, why should I hide it? It took a lot of self motivation and pep talk before I went out (sounds silly but works), in order for me to feel less uncomfortable in public. Nowadays, whenever I go out (although let’s be honest, it’s not often atm), I embrace the stares. You’ve got to learn to love and appreciate the experience. It’s all about mentality. 

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    Me right now.
  2. REMARKS, SCOFFS AND IRRELEVANT OPINIONS – The remarks are inevitable. Especially from people you have no/little affiliations with. It took me a long time to drill that into my head. When people found out I was pregnant, I was very much aware of the negative remarks or the scoffs I got. The stares and remarks alike; it used to really get to me. Now? It makes me angry. People simply couldn’t congratulate me and keep it moving or keep their comments to themselves. I found that it was worse because I’m a young student etc. “Didn’t know she was ready to become a mother…” and “Is she going to be dropping out of uni since she’s having baby?” are some of the most annoying things that I’ve heard. Alongside the other boring remarks. Even writing it makes my eyes roll. People can be so insensitive and a lot of the time, they don’t realise the impact that their words can have on another person. When you’re not in a good place; hearing other people project your insecurities and worries is probably the worst thing. Funny thing is, the people that matter will always support you without the unnecessary remarks or scoffs. Obviously now, I just laugh at the scoffs or remarks simply because I’ve become confident in myself and in what I’m doing. When you realise that it’s God’s timing, not yours; life becomes a lot more enjoyable and you learn to just appreciate the negative bits alongside the positives. Just for day to day life, worrying about what others have to say is unnecessary and pointless. People are so ignorant to what they don’t know. Keep it moving honey. ask-me-about-how-much-i-dont-care57868511
  3. APPARENTLY PREGNANCY COMES WITH A DRESS CODE – Women are forever being shamed for what they wear. When you’re pregnant, this doesn’t change. If anything; it can be worse. Oh the difficulties that I faced during summer! Such a first world problem. “What can I wear that’s summer appropriate but doesn’t draw attention to the bump?” A few months back, I wasn’t confident enough to go out in public and show my bump since I needed to adjust to all the changes quietly. I couldn’t be someone who openly announced their pregnancy to the world. I was so self conscious and still dealing with a lot of issues. Obviously fast forward to now, I couldn’t care less. It doesn’t matter whether my crop top shows a bit of my stomach or my dress is too tight. I walk around in my oblivious state and smile at the people who stare. Be the pregnant Kim K of the world. The woman wore what she damn well wanted to wear whilst social media made the memes and laughed. Again, keep it moving. best-kanye-west-kim-kardashian-meme-2013

With that being said, pregnancy comes with a bucket load of amazingness that outweighs it all. I only wish that I grew confident sooner! Pregnancy aside, I know a lot of people struggle with many personal insecurities; which lets be honest.. We aren’t in a hurry to share with the world but I hope my fabulous memes and little bits of advice helps you somehow.

Hopefully, if you’re reading this and are in the same boat that I was in – you’ll find it comforting to read! As always, you’re not alone.

Hope you’ve enjoyed the post… I promise the next post will be of a lighter topic!

Fei xoxo

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Stretch marks… YAY OR NAY!? ft. Neal’s Yard Remedies Products

Hi dolls!

So this is my first blog post and I thought I would make it quite a personal one. I’ve very recently hit the 9 months mark in my pregnancy (woohoo) and thank God, I’m happy to say that I’ve had quite a smooth ride. However, approaching nine months; a combination of tiredness and insomnia alongside the aches and pains has really hit me (i know, such a common thing – why am I complaining?). Ngl, I do feel like the days are starting to drag and I’m just impatiently waiting for the little bubba to make his appearance!

Another thing that I’ve developed over the past few weeks are stretch marks. I’ve never had stretch marks until now and when I had started to notice them, a slight bit of panic had overcome me. They were red, fresh and itchy and to be quite frank.. quite irritating. It was only until my 7th month did my bump become noticeable and I had used Bio-Oil religiously on my tummy to try and prevent them (& no, bio-oil doesn’t prevent stretch marks). Prior to the pregnancy, I had never really cared about stretch marks simply because I’ve never had them. I had always wondered why people were so self conscious of them but it was only when I started to get them quite red and raw it started to really bother me. This was a few weeks ago, so fast forward to now – I have completely different feelings about them!

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9th month tummy!

The one thing that I’ve learnt, is that no amount of moisturiser/oil/remedy will prevent you from getting stretch marks. Many people get them, both men and women.. and if anything; they add a sense of uniqueness to the skin. I have really grown to love my stretch marks! It will always remind me of this incredible journey that I’m experiencing. It’s not the aesthetics that bother now but rather how pink and itchy they can get.

Because of the aches and pains and the itchy stretch marks, I’ve used a range of products to see what works well for me. Here are two products that I’ve really grown to love!

Neal’s Yard Remedies Products:

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Mother’s Balm & Mother’s Massage Oil 

Mother’s Balm, £20

I have really grown to love this product for the tummy area! It’s fragrance free and because it’s a balm rather than a lotion, it’s a lot more nourishing. If I put it on during the night, the moisture and softness will last till the next day. It also contains beeswax and natural oils from apricots, coconuts, almonds and macadamias which are said to soften and soothe the skin and is 100% organic. For me, this is such an ideal product – very easy to use and non greasy. When first applied, it takes a little bit of warmth to warm up the product. Initially, there’s a slight gritty feel which quickly dissolves. Although I don’t believe that it would necessarily prevent stretch marks, the product itself softens my skin enough to keep it supple and not itchy. Win, win!

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Mother’s Massage Oil, £19.50

Another fragrance free product and 100% organic! I really do love this product for back massages. This product is said to be infused with soothing orange flower and mandarin essential oils as well as vitamin E-rich wheatgerm oil which are very very nourishing for the skin.  Thanks to my partner and this product, I’ve really benefited from massages. I’m so sensitive to really fragrant oils – I find them quite sickly, but I feel that because this doesn’t have a smell I can really relax without a pungent smell. The substance itself, like the Mother’s balm is non greasy and it isn’t thick at all so when applied it doesn’t leave an uncomfortable feel.

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I will definitely continue to use both products after the pregnancy!

What products would you recommend for the skin for during/after pregnancy? What skin products would you recommend in general for the skin during autumn/winter?

I hope you’ve enjoyed reading my first post!

Fei xoxo