Back to Blogging! : Losing yourself during the first year of Motherhood

Hey guys,

It’s been a very long time since I’ve posted a blogpost. Ever so often, I would draft a post but never get round to posting because of X Y Z. But months have literally gone by, and I’ve been itching to write something new.

A lot has happened since I’ve last posted, and one of the main reasons why I was struggling to write for so long was because I was battling with wanting to write real and raw posts but still have some sort of privacy to my life. With writing about personal experiences, it’s hard to find a balance between writing something honest without exposing parts of yourself that you don’t want to. I’m not open to people seeing my vulnerability, but at the same time I want to share my experiences and help people who read my posts. You know?

Losing yourself 

As cliché as it sounds: I cannot believe how fast time has gone and how much Tyler has grown! It’s hard to believe how much he has developed in such a short amount of time and it has honestly been incredible watching him grow and become cheekier everyday. He’s sitting up, crawling and wanting to stand up and he’s got a continuous burst of energy that my tired self cannot handle. He definitely keeps myself and his dad on our toes!

I have been lucky enough to be able to take a year out of university to have Tyler and watch him grow and develop in these all important months – I definitely wouldn’t change that. Nonetheless, like everything in life; it has its daily struggles and hardships. I’ve gotten to the point where I’m actually excited to go back to university. I’m craving routine and craving having more of a purpose than being a mum.

For the past 8 months, I’ve experienced what it’s like to be a stay at home mum and I honestly haven’t enjoyed it as much as I think I should be. I feel bad for even writing it because no one ever really admits that they don’t enjoy motherhood.

Throughout these months, I’ve truly known what it is to lose yourself. I’ve been focusing on trying to be the best mother I can be that I haven’t really paid any attention to myself and keeping myself happy and healthy. There are more times than I’d like to admit where I feel like I feel like staying in bed and hiding under the covers because it feels all too overwhelming. It’s so hard to balance having time for yourself and being a mum. I’ve learnt that we just don’t have the same flexibilities that dads have. There’s never going to be equal roles or responsibilities between a father and a mother. (Unless you’ve had to take on both roles) I find myself feeling guilty for going out or doing other things without Tyler, but simultaneously I get frustrated when I don’t get any alone time. We are made to believe that once you become a parent, your soul purpose in life is just that… to be a parent. But how are we meant to be the best parents we can be if we’re not looking after ourselves? There needs to be some sort of balance ya’ll!

As the weeks have gone on, I’ve become more adjusted and have made a conscious effort to actually be social and do the things that I used to enjoy before I had a baby (hence getting back into blogging!). I’m not where I want to be mentally but despite all the challenges I am definitely enjoying motherhood more now that I’ve found more of a balance.

Anyways, here are some cute photos of Ty at 8 months:

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On a side note: To new mothers who are struggling with motherhood; it’s definitely natural to feel so overwhelmed. You spend literally 24/7 with your baby that it can get incredibly tiresome. You don’t need to have it all together all the time and neither should you feel that way.

Till the next post,

Fei xoxo

Baby Blues? Postnatal Depression?

Hi guys!

If you’re pregnant or suffering from depression, I’ve written a blogpost all about Antenatal Depression which I wrote whilst I was still pregnant. Leading on from that post, I thought I would write about depression and having the baby blues that can happen after pregnancy

It’s been three and a half months since my son was born. I feel like I’m at a point where I can talk about the mental challenges that I faced at the beginning as well as what I face day to day. I personally don’t like having to put a label on things. As I’ve mentioned before, I hate the word ‘depression’ or ‘baby blues’. Regardless, it can be relatively common. It’s not something that’s easy to admit. I kept a lot of my feelings to myself because I didn’t want people to think I wasn’t fit to be a mum or incapable of looking after Tyler. Especially having Tyler young, I feel that I’m more prone to people looking down at my lack of experience. If I told people how I feel, I felt like I would get the silent ‘I told you so’s’. It’s so easy to fall into depression or have baby blues, especially if it’s the first baby.

The Early Days

The lifestyle change, the lack of experience, the lack of sleep, the change of body and the challenges of breastfeeding are just some (yeah I realised I listed quite a lot of things lol) of the things that really made me feel low. In the early days, I felt like I was barely getting through each day. It was genuinely such a struggle. Breastfeeding was the main factor for me feeling so crap a lot of the time during the early days. Tyler was constantly on the boob, round the clock. No joke, it was a 24 hour job. People don’t realise how tiring breastfeeding is. It felt like Tyler was sucking the soul out of me. Saying that, I’m glad I breastfed for the time I did as he got to reap the rewards you get when you breastfed. But that’s a whole different post – which I will write!

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I barely ate, and when I was eating; a lot of the time it was crap food. I survived on two Go Ahead bars, a dinner and a few shitty snacks for quite some time. And for anyone who breastfeeds or knows anything about breastfeeding, the eating habits that I acquired weren’t good for both myself and Tyler. I barely showered (unhygienic or?) or peed (both pretty normal considering circumstances in my opinion). I was an acceptable mess. Looking back, everything was a blur. My day consisted of sleep, breastfeed, sleep, eat, breastfeed, sleep, repeat. I think I was slowly going downhill. I was unhappy. I felt like everything I was doing was completely wrong. I felt like I wasn’t completely bonding with Tyler. All the books were saying ‘You’ll start to get to know your baby’ and to be honest, I had no idea what that meant at the time. How will I know if he’s hungry? Or tired? It definitely was a horrible feeling. You can read so many books during pregnancy and still feel completely lost when your baby arrives. Somehow all the ‘studying’ you do when you’re pregnant, flies completely over your head when your baby is right in front of you. The most important thing that I’ve learnt during the early days, is that regardless of all the tears and mistakes; I’m doing well. And that little bit of self motivation can make your day a whole lot more bearable.

It’s Okay Not To Bond With Your Baby Straight Away

The reality of it all is that not every woman is going to bond with their baby right away. There’s a difference between having ‘love at first sight’ and bonding. It is much easier to love your baby than it is to bond. Reading that statement, you may be thinking; “Doesn’t loving your baby and bonding with your baby go hand in hand?” And honestly sometimes that isn’t the case. With Tyler, I love him unconditionally but I was finding it so hard to bond with him at the beginning. I didn’t know what he wanted and when he wanted it. It’s hard when the only way your baby can communicate with you is through crying. Especially after going through labour, the exhaustion alongside other things can really affect how you bond with your baby. Saying all of this, I’m at a point where I’ve got an amazing bond with my son. I understand his different cries and I’ve grown to understand him as a little human. It can be so terrifying when you first start off because you’re just so lost. That feeling of being lost hasn’t really gone away (and to some extent, I don’t think it ever really does). I still generally feel quite flustered all the time but you learn to enjoy all the experiences that you encounter. I mean, they’re only a baby once!

The Now

90% of the time, I still feel completely lost. I know for a fact that, that feeling will never truly go away. Every day is definitely a battle in one way or another but the only difference is that now, I’m starting to enjoy the journey of motherhood. It’s definitely a lot easier than it was before. Believe it or not, you do learn the hang of things. Moreover, it helps that he has started to develop his personality and become his own little person – which honestly is one of the most beautiful things to witness. That doesn’t mean to say that nowadays I don’t breakdown here and there. Because I most definitely do. Tbh I cry a lot. But it’s okay. Everything you go through as a first time mother, from the emotions to the daily trials and challenges; is all normal and okay. Anyways, I feel I’m at a point where I can give some tips which could (hopefully) help with dealing with the overwhelming emotions of motherhood.

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Tips to dealing with baby blues & PND:

  1. One day at a time – Having a baby is a very overwhelming change. Like every kind of change, it can take a while to adapt to. More likely, you’re not going to get the gist of it very quickly. And anyone that does, well.. good for you. As cliche as it sounds, taking it one day at a time or even taking it one hour at a time can make your whole day a little bit more bearable. Especially with the physical traumas of birth, it can definitely make you feel like crap. Not being able to do simply everyday task such as peeing or taking a shower can really take a toll on you emotionally. It does take time to heal (yes, another cliche). 714ef9dbfb2d463084643d01a37f629096dd5cd4004d2de1a2244d2524afee30
  2. It’s okay to cry – Never let anyone ever tell you that the thing you’re crying about, is a stupid thing to cry about. We all experience things differently. If crying it out makes you feel better, do it. A good cry can definitely make me feel better. Keeping things in can have a very negative effect. No one should ever feel like they should withhold their emotions.7686178464_fdc8ea66c7
  3. Talk –  Continuing from my last point of not withholding your emotions; talking is another way of dealing with it all. And yes, I know I know…ANOTHER cliche and a pretty obvious tip. BUT, it honestly does help. I know that from experience, issues such as my body changes and the challenges of breastfeeding really took a toll on me emotionally. I felt like what was the point of speaking about it when I’m not really surrounded with people that understand? But regardless of whether people understood, they were always wanting to help in any way they can. And lending an ear and hearing words of encouragement can definitely make the adapting a whole lot easierIm-so-happy
  4. Support – Personally, I think this is the most important thing to have especially during the early days. This doesn’t necessarily mean from a partner, but just from people around you in general. Being surrounded by supportive and loving people is essential. It’s needed in everyday life. I would say that it’s definitely the support I had from my boyfriend, friends and family that really kept me afloat. Your number one priority is taking care of your newborn. So having people around you caring for your wellbeing can really take the edge off the emotional struggles that you may go through. Support meme
  5. Take a break – This is essential. You need to take time out for yourself to look after yourself. I’m definitely a firm believer that you need to look after yourself in order to look after your baby. Your mental health is SO important. I can’t stress this enough. Especially when you’re responsible for another human being. Looking after yourself doesn’t need to be done independently. Simple things like giving the little one to someone else for a few hours so that you can relax or getting help around the house can really make a difference. images

Going through depression or getting the baby blues is 100% understandable but it doesn’t have to be ongoing. I have so many off days and I have the most dramatic breakdowns that I question my capabilities but I’ve definitely learnt to take care of myself. Being a mother is hard. SO hard. I don’t know it all and I don’t pretend to but I’m definitely learning as I go along.  My tips are SO basic but they really have helped me so I hope they help you in some way, regardless if you’re pregnant/with or without children. Even though it may seem like it, you’re not alone and it does get better. 

I hope you’ve enjoyed my post!

Fei xoxo

 

The Reality of After Birth

Hey guys!

No one really talks or prepares you for the changes that happen after birth. Personally, I feel like there were so preparations for birth and the arrival of my newborn that I had kind of forgotten about the aftermath of it all so I thought I would write a blogpost of my experience. I absolutely love being a mother and it’s the best feeling in the world to see your child develop and grow. Any parent can tell you that! So I thought I’d write about the challenges that I faced adjusting to motherhood. This is quite a personal post, so I do hope you enjoy the read!

What People Forgot To Mention About After Birth:

  1. Blood, blood and more blood – If you think you’ve escaped the copious amounts of blood from labour; you’re sadly mistaken. Straight after birth, I found myself bleeding bucket loads. And that is NO exaggeration. I knew that there would be bleeding for some weeks after labour, but I didn’t realise the amount that actually comes out. In general, after giving birth; you’re suppose to wear maternity pad – that’s just how it is. But I found myself wanting to wear an actual adult nappy… Or several. There was an incident where I was sitting down in the delivery suite for about 30 mins or so, and as I stood up; blood literally just gushed out of me. There was blood all over the seat and dripping out of me incredibly fast as I ran to the toilet. It was honestly horrific for both me and my boyfriend to witness. I can’t tell you the embarrassment I felt when the cleaner or nurse came in and just saw the hospital seat covered in blood as well as a nice pool on the floor.
  2. Painful pee – This was the one thing that I was NOT prepared for in the slightest. Have you ever had a UTI (Urinary Tract Infection)? If you have, that’s exactly how it feels like. It lasted for nearly 3 weeks that I started to question whether or not this was just an untreated UTI. I dreaded going to the toilet (not that I went that often for the first week or so… probably twice a day). Peeing stung so bad and only a little amount would come out. It was horrible. Absolutely horrible. To lessen the pain, I used to bring both of my legs straightened up in front of me and clench both my toes and hands. And even that didn’t help. Because your insides are very displaced (not exactly surprising, since your baby’s taking up every bit of space), your bodily functions are a little bit displaced as well. Like the bleeding, it doesn’t last forever. And that’s what you have to keep telling yourself, when you leak aggressively through another pad or you feel like your pee hole is on fire.
  3. It just all bloody well hurts – Well it’s obviously no surprise that it’s going to be quite painful for a while but I didn’t realise how much. I could barely walk for the first week. Simple day to day tasks were very hard to do. Things like bending down was a no no. To be honest, it didn’t last that long so you know it wasn’t TOO bad. Obviously at the time, I thought it was the end of me and things weren’t going to get better (dramatic much?) but you know… It does and you keep on living.
  4. What is eating? – Personally, in between looking after a newborn and going by the rule: ‘When your newborn is asleep, you should sleep’, I had no time to eat throughout the day. I lived on snacks my mum or boyfriend came back from work.
  5. Breastfeeding is HARD – Unfortunately, I wasn’t one of the lucky ones who found breastfeeding very easy. When I was pregnant, I thought breastfeeding would come SO naturally and I regret not doing my research beforehand. Breastfeeding IS a skill and it does take patience and determination. There were SO many problems I had with breastfeeding and for the first month I hated it. My 8lbs baby was a HUNGRY baby, who wanted to feed on the hour every hour. It was mentally and physically exhausting for me but that’s a whole different blogpost! Bottom line is, you should do a lot of research into breastfeeding before you give birth if you plan to breastfeed because it will help you a hell of a lot. And if you don’t end up breastfeeding, it isn’t the end of the world and you honestly shouldn’t force yourself to keep on if you’re suffering so much in the process.

There were SO many changes after Tyler was born, I was very much overwhelmed with it all. The ones mentioned are just a few of the temporary changes that I experienced. There are so many changes, that up till now I’m still having to deal with. I didn’t really feel like myself for quite some time, and the transition from carrying Tyler internally to having Tyler physically there was the hardest time of my life. Having a newborn is hard, especially being a first time mum. I know a lot of mums from the get go, want to be with their babies all the time and are completely besotted with them (not that I’m not) but honestly… for the first few weeks, I just wanted to sleep. Sleep. Sleep. And Sleep. It definitely puts a mental strain on you. It’s very easy to get baby blues for the first few weeks. It’s so important to have a good support system. I’m definitely thankful for mine. That doesn’t mean that I didn’t get baby blues or struggle. I cried like a bitch for so long till I grabbed two grips and kept it moving. I thought I was doing everything wrong, from breastfeeding to carrying him. I didn’t think I had maternal instincts but I definitely am learning and growing with Tyler. And it does take time. As long as you have people around you supporting you and you take it one day at a time, everything will be okay.

Fei xoxo

 

 

Water Birth Experience, YAY or NAY!?

Hey guys,

It has been such a long time since I’ve posted anything! Motherhood has been a huge adjustment and tbh, I haven’t found any sort of motivation to get back into writing again… BUT thankfully I’m back into the swing of things!

I’ve had a lot of people ask me about my birthing experience and so I thought I would do a blogpost on it! I hope you enjoy reading it and hopefully now that I have some sort of routine I can start regularly blogging again!


My Labour/Birth Experience

For a month, I had contemplated starting to write this blogpost but I genuinely didn’t know where to start. 2 months on (nearly 3, damn) and I still don’t know where to start *cries*

First and foremost, labour is the most painful thing that I’ve experienced/think I will experience. You really don’t know what you’re in for until you’re going through it. And boy oh boy, I didn’t think labour was EVER gonna end. When people ask me what contractions feel like, the only way I can really explain it is by comparing it to the most painful period pain… and multiplying that by 100. Seriously.

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First Stages of Labour

I was 40 weeks + 1 day pregnant (slightly over baked) when I started getting contractions and then the next day I gave birth. My first thought was “Shit. I’m actually gonna have to push this baby out.. Shit shit shit.” I remember sitting on the toilet, FaceTiming one of my girls explaining this ordeal I was in. 4 hours into the contractions, I had decided that maybe it was time to go to the hospital to get checked out. I had been umm-ing and ahh-ing about going because my water hadn’t broken and I hadn’t gotten any of the other signs they tell you on the internet that labour was imminent- just contractions. I put it off for as long as I could until my boyfriend said “Yeah, maybe we should to the hospital..”. I didn’t realise that your water could break at any time during labour. Mine had broken whilst I was in the water! Once I had reached the hospital, I was only 2cm dilated so I had to go back home. I didn’t realise how PAINFUL car rides were when you’re in labour. Being stuck to a car seat and not being able to get into a more comfortable position was absolute TORTURE. Once I had reached my house from the hospital, that’s when the contractions were coming in fast and hard. From about 1pm – 11pm (until I finally decided to go back to the hospital), it was an absolute nightmare. I was trying to go into many different positions to try and ease the pain and nothing was working. Every contraction I could feel, I dreaded. By the time I got to the hospital, I was in unbearable pain and I was ready for this baby to come out. When we had gotten to the Triage Unit, it was one of the most awkwardest few hours of my life. The Triage Unit were for expectant mothers (ranging from 1 month – 10 months pregnant) who were there for a range of problems or appointments. And here I was; coming at 11pm to the hospital, shouting and screaming with every contraction whilst the hospital itself was so quiet. I was waiting in the Waiting Area with expectant mothers who weren’t in labour, for what seemed like hours. And honestly, I had lost all form of manner and decorum during this time. Women who were waiting there would look at me horrified or sympathetically as I screamed in pain for 40-50 odd seconds at a time. I didn’t care at all. My screams were coming loud and hard. Can you imagine being like 6 months pregnant and watching another woman go through each contraction? Nah, that would scar me forever.. I’d actually tell my baby not to come out.  Thankfully, when a midwife finally checked how many cm I was dilated I heard the words “You’re 7cm dilated, we can take you to the delivery suite now.” So off I went, being wheeled in a wheelchair to the delivery suite (yay).

WATER BIRTH (Active Labour)

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Having a water birth was not what I had expected. When I went to the antenatal classes, the midwives were selling me dreams telling me that in terms of pain relief; water was second to having an epidural. I even watched so many Instagram videos on water births, and all these mothers were having calm spiritual experiences. So there I was thinking, the water would have some miracle effect during labour. I’d be breathing in and out and in control. Well nah, sorry to say that wasn’t the case. If anything – the warm water was more of a comfort rather than a pain relief. I was in excruciating pain for 20 hours trying to get in all sorts of weird positions in the water bath. My legs were wide open, all over the place and I just remember thinking “Fuck, I don’t think I’m ever going to get this baby out. Jesus should take me now.”

As a woman, I thought I wouldn’t be comfortable having everything out especially because I couldn’t fit in a cheeky wax before labour (looool) but I honestly didn’t give a shit. When you’re in so much pain, you genuinely forget everyone and everything in the room. You’re too busy trying to control the pain. I couldn’t even tell you what I looked like to everyone else in the room. There was just soooo much blood. Very, very unattractive to say the least! Looking back, I remember going in and out of sleep in the tub. It was so exhausting so I took little naps in between contractions.

The most painful part was definitely his head coming out. Oh damn. Such a big head he has. I honestly know no pain like it. His head coming out had to be done in stages and every time a bit of his head would come out, a little would go back in. So it was like riding a bike up a hill and stopping for a bit (in which you regress a little) and then continuing to ride your bike and stopping again and regressing a little (don’t know why I even used that analogy since I can’t even ride a bike l o l). I literally had two midwives holding each of my legs apart whilst I pushed his big ‘ol head out. When people ask me what it felt like, I can honestly say it felt like a hot rod was being shoved up my vagina (yeah I know, tmi.. sorry). After his head had come out, the rest of his body more or less came out with another push or two and at 6:15am on the 1st December 2016, my little Tyler was born. Even reminiscing back, I remember the sheer relief and joy I had knowing that he was safely brought into this world and he was finally here, on my chest.

After that, all that were left were the cutting of the cord and giving birth to the placenta. My boyfriend had cut the cord in one snip (which he was so pleased about since the midwife said that the cord may be a little be tricky to cut lool) and I had an injection to the leg so that the placenta would ease out. This stage of this labour was the easiest but most gruesome bit. I sat in my own pool of diluted blood just chilling.

After Birth

I’m so thankful to God that my birth was so smooth, I could of had it way worse than I did regardless of the amount of pain that came with it.

The last part was just checking that Tyler was healthy and to check for any tearing that I may have.  I was so scared that I had torn my perineum since it’s quite common and when the midwife ran her fingers around my vagina, I wanted to cry. It stung so bloody bad. But thankfully, I was left with no tears. It was all a sigh of relief that everything was over and here I am nearly 3 months on and my little munchkin has given me so much joy and happiness, that all the pain seemed so worth it.

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Are we mentally prepared for labour?!

Hi dolls!

So I’m over 38 weeks pregnant now (finally!!) and patiently waiting for the little man to make an appearance! With all the aches and pains getting worse as my due date draws near; I thought I would do another pregnancy related post on our thoughts on how ‘prepared’ we think we are for labour.

DUE DATE APPROACHING!!!

I get so many people asking me on a daily basis now, “Are you ready for labour?!” and “Are you scared about how painful it’s going to be?!“. I always just laugh and say very assertively “I’m actually really excited!“… Which I am. Don’t get me wrong, I know there are going to be a lot of screams and unbearable pain. But I’ve always been a firm believer of ‘We fear what we do not know’. As cliche as it sounds, it definitely suits the situation! Saying that, I don’t think anyone is really fully prepared for labour but there are things that I’ve been doing in order to put my mind more at ease in order not to ‘fear’ the actual pain and experience. I mean one way or another, he’s coming out of me (God willing, with no complications)! Tbh, with a lot of situations that I dread – I’ve learnt to have that ‘Can’t go under it, can’t go over it, gotta go through it’ attitude.

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‘We’re going on a bear hunt’

Ngl, every now and then – I get overwhelmed with panic and shock that an actual baby will be coming out of my bits. Sometimes I do think I’m more scared about after my little boy is born rather than him physically coming out. No one gets a “How To Be The Perfect Parent” manual free with the baby! I do feel scared that I’m going to be completely hopeless.. but I’m going to save that for another blogpost. Anyways, so before I ramble further – here are a few things I’ve been doing to try and mentally prepare myself!

  • Antenatal Classes – Personally, going to these classes with my partner helped us incredibly! It was comforting to be with other pregnant women and their partners as well. We’re all in the same boat, with the same fears etc and it was helpful to have midwives talking to us in depth about different topics (depending on classes) as well as having the opportunity to ask questions. I’m glad the NHS offer these services (although they do get booked up quite quickly!) because they’re a great help. One class that we went to was solely about pain relief that’s available during labour and different techniques that you and your birth partner can do to ease the pain. They also handed out fabulous packs full of helpful diagrams and other information. Find Antenatal Classes (U.K.)
  •  Talk to midwife – Luckily, I found it incredibly easy to talk to my midwife about any worries I was having. Honestly, any questions – no matter how silly or embarrassing I found them, I asked her. I swear midwives have seen it all!
  • Listen with no fear – Every woman that has had a baby will have a story to tell about their birth. A lot of the time, the stories that you hear are more horror stories than anything else. Honestly…some of the things that I’ve heard made me want to die inside. I kind of just had to drill it in my head that every labour is different… I’m not necessarily going to have an extreme rip from my vagina to my anus due to my kid’s head coming out.
  • Talking to birth partner – Talking to my boyfriend as well as him being there at the antenatal classes really helped. He’s been amazing. We’ve also spoken about what’s going to go down when labour kicks in. What to do and what not to do etc. I’ve been shoving him pieces of paper with fabulous diagrams that demonstrate positions to help. When I get BH Contractions and they get quite strong, we practise some of these positions. This has put me at ease for when everything gets hectic!

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    Such artistic diagrams, right?
  • Independent research – Lastly… doing independent research has really helped. With a lot of the stuff that you see on the internet, you’ve got to take a lot of it lightly and be smart about things. However, looking on websites such as Bounty or the NHS website (reliable websites!), I found really good tips which have helped me. For example, one of the main fears that I have is getting a tear. Even the thought of it makes me shudder!! But looking on the website, I found different ways which could help to prevent it.

Labour can start at ANY time, no matter what I’m doing at ANY time of ANY given day. Tbh, some days I do feel more mentally prepared than other days! Well… at least our hospital bags are prepared eh?

Hopefully after the little man is born, I’ll write up a blogpost on the labour/birth experience!

How was labour for you? What advice/tips would you give to soon to be mamas?

Fei xoxo

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PREGNANCY SHAMING IS NOT OK!!

Hello again!

Firstly, I wanted to say thank you to everyone who read my ‘Antenatal Depression’ post. I’m pleasantly surprised by the feedback and happy that people found it a helpful read!

Whenever I look on social media (Instagram, Facebook, blogs etc), 90% of the time (I made up the statistic but you get what I mean) pregnancy is portrayed to be an amazing journey. Don’t get me wrong, it most definitely is. There are enough women out there to show you the beautiful moments and the happiness that bringing new life into the world brings. From having your first scan to going baby shopping to feeling him/her kick for the first time. Believe me, it’s all a surreal and indescribable experience. So with that being said, I wanted to share some of the less brighter (shall we say?) experiences I’ve had. I know there will be people out there reading my blog thinking “Is this girl even happy she’s having a baby? Her blogposts are such a.. downer.” But truthfully, everyone knows how beautiful a pregnancy is – so I thought “A bit of realism never hurt anyone?”, hence the blog post!

There were a lot of things that I had experienced that made me unhappy throughout the first and the second half of the second trimester. Especially being young and at uni, there were a lot of “Can I even do this?” moments. Obviously now, I’ll happily show off my bump to the world and tell everyone how excited I am for the labour. But back then? I would want to curl up into a ball and never unravel myself. Throughout the months, I grew up and matured. I realised the irrelevancy in a lot of the things that contributed to how insecure I felt. And that my friend – is a beautiful feeling.

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My “Let me hear one more pregnancy shaming comment” face

IS PREGNANCY EVEN NATURAL!?

  1. PEOPLE WILL STARE – Weren’t people taught as a child, that staring is rude? I’ve noticed that regardless of how young or old women look, if you have a bump; you’re gonna get a few cheeky stares or elongated gazes. For me, I know I look like a little 10 year old. I’m about 5ft1 with a bump. Lucky me,  I get the elongated gazes and sometimes that look of horror. One must wonder: Is pregnancy even natural? People would constantly stare as if they themselves never came out of the womb.  For a long time, it used to make me feel very awkward and I didn’t want to leave the house. I’d dread getting on trains because I could feel the burning stares. Especially with all the other negative emotions I had circulating, it made me feel 10x worse. I remember telling some of my closest friends and boyfriend how much it bothered me and they used to say “Why do you even care? You shouldn’t even care. You’re never going to see these people again.” And although they were right, it was hard for them to understand because they weren’t going through it. Obviously over time, I realised how right they were. Pregnancy is a natural thing, why should I hide it? It took a lot of self motivation and pep talk before I went out (sounds silly but works), in order for me to feel less uncomfortable in public. Nowadays, whenever I go out (although let’s be honest, it’s not often atm), I embrace the stares. You’ve got to learn to love and appreciate the experience. It’s all about mentality. 

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    Me right now.
  2. REMARKS, SCOFFS AND IRRELEVANT OPINIONS – The remarks are inevitable. Especially from people you have no/little affiliations with. It took me a long time to drill that into my head. When people found out I was pregnant, I was very much aware of the negative remarks or the scoffs I got. The stares and remarks alike; it used to really get to me. Now? It makes me angry. People simply couldn’t congratulate me and keep it moving or keep their comments to themselves. I found that it was worse because I’m a young student etc. “Didn’t know she was ready to become a mother…” and “Is she going to be dropping out of uni since she’s having baby?” are some of the most annoying things that I’ve heard. Alongside the other boring remarks. Even writing it makes my eyes roll. People can be so insensitive and a lot of the time, they don’t realise the impact that their words can have on another person. When you’re not in a good place; hearing other people project your insecurities and worries is probably the worst thing. Funny thing is, the people that matter will always support you without the unnecessary remarks or scoffs. Obviously now, I just laugh at the scoffs or remarks simply because I’ve become confident in myself and in what I’m doing. When you realise that it’s God’s timing, not yours; life becomes a lot more enjoyable and you learn to just appreciate the negative bits alongside the positives. Just for day to day life, worrying about what others have to say is unnecessary and pointless. People are so ignorant to what they don’t know. Keep it moving honey. ask-me-about-how-much-i-dont-care57868511
  3. APPARENTLY PREGNANCY COMES WITH A DRESS CODE – Women are forever being shamed for what they wear. When you’re pregnant, this doesn’t change. If anything; it can be worse. Oh the difficulties that I faced during summer! Such a first world problem. “What can I wear that’s summer appropriate but doesn’t draw attention to the bump?” A few months back, I wasn’t confident enough to go out in public and show my bump since I needed to adjust to all the changes quietly. I couldn’t be someone who openly announced their pregnancy to the world. I was so self conscious and still dealing with a lot of issues. Obviously fast forward to now, I couldn’t care less. It doesn’t matter whether my crop top shows a bit of my stomach or my dress is too tight. I walk around in my oblivious state and smile at the people who stare. Be the pregnant Kim K of the world. The woman wore what she damn well wanted to wear whilst social media made the memes and laughed. Again, keep it moving. best-kanye-west-kim-kardashian-meme-2013

With that being said, pregnancy comes with a bucket load of amazingness that outweighs it all. I only wish that I grew confident sooner! Pregnancy aside, I know a lot of people struggle with many personal insecurities; which lets be honest.. We aren’t in a hurry to share with the world but I hope my fabulous memes and little bits of advice helps you somehow.

Hopefully, if you’re reading this and are in the same boat that I was in – you’ll find it comforting to read! As always, you’re not alone.

Hope you’ve enjoyed the post… I promise the next post will be of a lighter topic!

Fei xoxo

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Antenatal Depression?! WHAT’S THAT?!

Hi dolls!

So I’m writing another personal post… I don’t know whether it’s the hormones or something else, but I’ve been feeling drawn into writing content that is a bit more sensitive (well for me anyway).

Since I was a young teen, I’ve suffered with depression. Everyone goes through it at some point in their life and a lot of the time, people tend to shy away from the topic. The word ‘depression’ itself sounds like one ugly drag and if I’m honest; I really don’t like the word. Tbh, I’m not the sort of person that tends to talk about things like this and if you know me or if you’ve ever met me in real life.. I just love a good time! However, I thought that I’d talk about this topic simply because although pregnancy is such an amazing event in one’s life.. it isn’t a walk in the park and even though we as women talk about the physical aspects of it, sometimes the mental aspect gets brushed aside.

Does antenatal depression even exist?! 

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Research has shown that women who develop postnatal depression are likely to have had antenatal depression. We’ve all heard of postnatal depression, but antenatal depression? I didn’t even know antenatal depression was even a thing! It is said that 7% – 20% of pregnant women suffer with it (thanks Wikipedia.. Idk how accurate that statistic is…) When I found out I was pregnant, my life wasn’t exactly in the best of places. Tbh, I recall my first thought being “You’ve got to be having a laugh. This is probably the worse timing!“. I genuinely remember when my partner and I found out, we had to actually laugh out loud. So much was already going on in our lives. Obviously, as time went on we saw it as such an AMAZING blessing but it was during the adjustment periods that I felt my lowest. Thanks to my hormones, the negative thoughts and feelings that I had were 1000x magnified. I honestly felt lost. It was such a painful and confusing time. I went a good few months feeling like one walking poo. There were so many things going on at the time, and the bottom line was that I was a 20 year old student in her first year of uni. I had so many plans for the summer, for my life etc – I was a selfish student who just wanted to enjoy her youth. There were so many factors that contributed to why I felt the way I did and it’s only recently that I started to get to grips with all the amazing changes and adjustments. It’s not to say that I don’t have my off days, but I’ve learnt to cope a lot better.

So with that being said, I thought that I would write my top 5 tips which have helped me.

MY TOP 5 TIPS TO HELP WITH ANTENATAL DEPRESSION (or depression in general): 

  1. FAITH – This year alone, my relationship with God has improved a lot. He is the number one reason as to why I’ve overcome the trials that I’ve faced. As I said, this year hasn’t exactly been the easiest or best in the slightest. Sometimes we find that confiding in other people such a hard task (well I do) and we’d rather just keep it in. Majority of the time, I hate outwardly talking to people about how I feel and I’d rather just keep it moving. During this year, I’ve learnt that instead of keeping it in.. just talk out loud. I’m a Christian, and it was during my hardest times that I saw God’s love for me. Remember: it’s His timing, not yours. Every night I’d speak out loud to him and honestly, it helped me in ways I didn’t think was possible. You may not believe in God, but even just talking about your problems out loud with no one there can help. Get it out in the opengod-faith-and-love-god-31725465-737-438
  2. RELATIONSHIPS – The relationships that you surround yourself with have a huge impact on how you feel. The support that each relationship gives plays a huge part on your outlook in life. For me, at the start of my pregnancy my friends were genuinely my foundation. They were the only people keeping me sane and the support they gave/continue to give me was and is priceless. Sometimes, when the people you’re closest to are in initial shock they forget that you’re the one going through the physical and mental changes and it’s hard to go from day to day without that support from them but I promise, things do get 100 times easier! I’m so blessed to have my partner and family, in addition to my friends. Surround yourself with the right people. What’s the point in living life surrounded with people who don’t bring positive vibes to your life?build-relationships
  3. PROFESSIONAL/MEDICAL HELP – I’m honestly grateful to the NHS for the support they offered me. I know that from talking to other people, getting help for mental problems from the NHS isn’t easy. The waiting list is long and you get appointments a year later etc. I do feel like mental problems need to get more recognition and there needs to be a little more free support for people in general. However, from my recent experience; I was shocked at how helpful and supportive the NHS was. Maybe it was because I was 20 or pregnant or a combo of both, but they were really efficient. I had appointments booked, therapy sessions I could take and I was prescribed medication. Tbh, me being the stubborn hard head that I was – I only went to a few appointments and didn’t take the medication. I was determined to sort it out all by myself. Nevertheless, it was nice to speak to someone who I didn’t know and good to know that help was there if needed. So be honest with your midwife or doctor if you feel like you’re not coping, you never know.. the help they provide may actually do you some good!
  4. SET SOME FUTURE GOALS/PLANS – There were days where I couldn’t get out of bed, I didn’t want to get out of bed. In retrospect, I probably have had more off days than on during pregnancy. I always found that setting myself future goals (can be as little or as big) got me excited for the days to come. Get out, get active. From going baby shopping to starting a blog, anything that gets your mind excited.. Plan it then do it. you-can-do-it-meme-42225
  5. TAKE TIME OUT FOR YOURSELF – Do things that make you happy! No matter how small or silly they are. This can range from watching Netflix to taking a nap (yeah not a really big contrast there tbh, but both things I enjoy doing). Personally, I try to look better than how I feel and honestly it works… So pamper yourself!

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REMEMBER:

lorazepam-abuse-help-mental-health-issues Your mental health is just as important as your physical health. Doing simple day to day tasks can be so difficult when your mental health isn’t in check. Of course, it’s all easier said than done – but making the conscious effort to keep yourself happy and motivated, whatever that may be, goes a long way!

I hope this has been a helpful read!

Fei xoxo

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