Back to Blogging! : Losing yourself during the first year of Motherhood

Hey guys,

It’s been a very long time since I’ve posted a blogpost. Ever so often, I would draft a post but never get round to posting because of X Y Z. But months have literally gone by, and I’ve been itching to write something new.

A lot has happened since I’ve last posted, and one of the main reasons why I was struggling to write for so long was because I was battling with wanting to write real and raw posts but still have some sort of privacy to my life. With writing about personal experiences, it’s hard to find a balance between writing something honest without exposing parts of yourself that you don’t want to. I’m not open to people seeing my vulnerability, but at the same time I want to share my experiences and help people who read my posts. You know?

Losing yourself 

As cliché as it sounds: I cannot believe how fast time has gone and how much Tyler has grown! It’s hard to believe how much he has developed in such a short amount of time and it has honestly been incredible watching him grow and become cheekier everyday. He’s sitting up, crawling and wanting to stand up and he’s got a continuous burst of energy that my tired self cannot handle. He definitely keeps myself and his dad on our toes!

I have been lucky enough to be able to take a year out of university to have Tyler and watch him grow and develop in these all important months – I definitely wouldn’t change that. Nonetheless, like everything in life; it has its daily struggles and hardships. I’ve gotten to the point where I’m actually excited to go back to university. I’m craving routine and craving having more of a purpose than being a mum.

For the past 8 months, I’ve experienced what it’s like to be a stay at home mum and I honestly haven’t enjoyed it as much as I think I should be. I feel bad for even writing it because no one ever really admits that they don’t enjoy motherhood.

Throughout these months, I’ve truly known what it is to lose yourself. I’ve been focusing on trying to be the best mother I can be that I haven’t really paid any attention to myself and keeping myself happy and healthy. There are more times than I’d like to admit where I feel like I feel like staying in bed and hiding under the covers because it feels all too overwhelming. It’s so hard to balance having time for yourself and being a mum. I’ve learnt that we just don’t have the same flexibilities that dads have. There’s never going to be equal roles or responsibilities between a father and a mother. (Unless you’ve had to take on both roles) I find myself feeling guilty for going out or doing other things without Tyler, but simultaneously I get frustrated when I don’t get any alone time. We are made to believe that once you become a parent, your soul purpose in life is just that… to be a parent. But how are we meant to be the best parents we can be if we’re not looking after ourselves? There needs to be some sort of balance ya’ll!

As the weeks have gone on, I’ve become more adjusted and have made a conscious effort to actually be social and do the things that I used to enjoy before I had a baby (hence getting back into blogging!). I’m not where I want to be mentally but despite all the challenges I am definitely enjoying motherhood more now that I’ve found more of a balance.

Anyways, here are some cute photos of Ty at 8 months:

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On a side note: To new mothers who are struggling with motherhood; it’s definitely natural to feel so overwhelmed. You spend literally 24/7 with your baby that it can get incredibly tiresome. You don’t need to have it all together all the time and neither should you feel that way.

Till the next post,

Fei xoxo

One thought on “Back to Blogging! : Losing yourself during the first year of Motherhood

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